Unwanted loneliness hits 20% of Spain's over-75s at Christmas

Unwanted Loneliness at Christmas: Over-75s are the Second Most Affected Group

How many people will dine alone this Christmas Eve without having chosen it? According to data from Cruz Roja (Red Cross) in Terrassa, 20% of those over 75 suffer from unwanted loneliness. María and Sonia, aged 75 and 79, admit they feel "lonely and sad" because their relationship with their children is not what they wish for. Unwanted loneliness, a contemporary malady turned into a silent epidemic by rising individualism and the loss of community ties, intensifies during dates stereotypically reserved for family harmony.

Caring for a Mother with Dementia: María’s Confined Life

María is 75, separated, and has decided not to celebrate Christmas at home with her family. The reasons are twofold. Firstly, she provides round-the-clock care for her 93-year-old mother, who suffers from dementia. "I can't go to the cinema, the beach, take walks, or share meals with friends. It pushes me to a limit where I feel like I don't exist for anyone," she explains. This intense dedication, common among many caregivers, has isolated her from her social network. "I feel that life has aged me, both physically and mentally," she reflects.

But what hurts most is another issue: one of her sons suffers from a mental illness and has been institutionalized for years. "I haven't spent Christmas with him for seven years, and this year is becoming very hard," she confesses through tears. "I feel very sad for being unable to fix many things and very helpless, because the thing that hurts a mother most in life is a son."

Divorcing at 59: "It Feels Like Divorcing Everyone"

Sonia is 79 and divorced for 20 years. "When you divorce your husband, it feels like you're divorcing everyone," she comments resignedly. She admits she enjoys spending much time at home. "I need to be alone, and there are many days I disappear. My doctor tells me to force myself to go out, but when I don't feel like it, I don't, because I come back feeling worse." She goes months without speaking to or seeing her children. She usually spends Christmas Eve at her daughter-in-law's house, who invites her, and New Year's Eve at one of her sons' houses, "but not always."

Both attend activities for seniors organized by Cruz Roja in Terrassa, such as workshops for caregivers or memory exercises. There, technicians try to detect unwanted loneliness even if the user doesn't verbalize it, explains Núria Planagumà, a social worker on senior projects. Once detected, the entity offers services like Voces en Red (Voices Online), which provides voice devices for talking, listening to music, radio, or video calls, or the personalized itinerary "Always Accompanied."

Who Suffers Most from Unwanted Loneliness in Spain?

It is not exclusively an old-age problem. Young people are the most affected group, with a prevalence of 25%, trinc by those over 75, with an incidence of 20%. "In old age, losses of social relationships occur due to retirement, sudden illness, or widowhood; there may be a confluence of factors," notes Planagumà. Christmas, with its burden of family expectations, acts as an amplifier of distress.

The Uncomfortable Narrative: What if Distancing Has Causes?

This case has sparked a harsh debate about the responsibility of children versus that of the elderly themselves. Some argue that most grandparents who spend the holidays alone "have earned it," in the words of one participant, and that if children don't want to spend Christmas with their mothers, there must be a reason. Others recall that raising children does not guarantee company in old age: "Then people have children thinking they'll be cared for in their old age," another message ironically states. Against both views, a third current argues that unwanted loneliness is a structural problem—retirement, widowhood, illness, unpaid care—and not a sarracena punishment.

The disconcerting detail: the caregiver who cannot leave home is not lonely by choice nor because of anyone's malice. She is lonely because the care system falls on her shoulders. And a Christmas Eve dinner won't fix that.

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Key Data

• Prevalence of unwanted loneliness among young people: 25%
• Prevalence among those over 75: 20%
• María's age: 75; her mother: 93 with dementia
• Sonia's age: 79; divorced for 20 years
• María has not spent Christmas with her hospitalized son for 7 years