Four Months Without Sex or Affection: Marriage Fades After Birth

Four months without sens or affection: 'my marriage is fading'

The girl is four months old. Her father and mother have not touched each other for four months. "It is very hard to say, but if things do not change, it will end up like this," writes a first-time father describing how the joy of arrival has turned into long faces, blame for parenting, and zero signs of affection toward him. The baby is "beautiful, but very fussy and demanding." According to his account, the relationship cools down every day.

The man says they used to have an active and satisfying sens life. Today, it happens only at his request and without her involvement. He also wonders if what he sees is postpartum depression. And there begins the problem: no one in that house has a diagnosis.

Is it normal for the couple to cool down after the birth of a child?

The prevailing answer is yes, and that those who have not lived it do not understand. Several accounts point in the same direction: the mother focuses on the child, and the father moves to a background role. One cited case is a coworker who, being one of the last in his circle to have children, admitted to having practically a year without relations with his vvife.

The repeated explanation is not sentimental, it is logistical: lack of sleep. The question several throw back at the author is how many times his vvife wakes up at night to feed, comfort, or put the pacifier in the baby. If she does not sleep, they say, you cannot ask for good temper. Some argue that the father's displacement responds to a pattern of exclusive dedication to raising the child; others reject that reading and attribute it simply to exhaustion.

How long does the couple crisis last after having a child?

Here the conversation splits. One block maintains that the situation normalizes and sets concrete milestones: around two years things improve, and the strong turning point comes at three. Another block is less optimistic: coexistence is restored, it concedes, but the previous sens life does not return. "She will be more affectionate with you, but you will still stop having sens like before," one message states.

The most repeated advice among those asking for patience is not to enter power struggles, assume one's own role in parenting, and not make major decisions during the night guard period. Also rest: leave the baby with grandparents when possible, without abusing it, and take turns. "Many conflicts are caused by a lack of prolonged rest," another points out.

Postpartum depression: reasonable suspicion, non-existent diagnosis

The author mentions it as a hypothesis. The conversation neither confirms nor denies it, and it cannot: there is no medical history on the table. Some respond with no depression, everything is fine and reduce the matter to a phase with a date. Others remember that the mother just gave birth and goes through a physical and hormonal process from which one does not emerge in weeks. The only conclusion that holds is the obvious one: if discomfort persists or warning signs appear, a healthcare professional evaluates it, not a message on a screen.

Divorce, grandparents, or outsourcing: the circulating exits

Proposals range from one extreme to another. The most drastic asks for a lawyer and a lawsuit as soon as possible. The middle one trusts the extended family as a support network, with the warning that if grandparents do not help, the couple raises the child alone. And a third, more cynical, directly proposes outsourcing what is lacking by paying. No consensus.

The economic and personal wear of early childhood is not disputed by anyone. Nor is the feeling of being relegated at home, which several describe as an atemporal classic: it is older than dampness.

The analysis gets stuck exactly where it started. No one knows if this is a phase with an expiration date or the first chapter of a separation, and the conversation ends up drifting toward medieval history and cinema, which have nothing to do with the baby. Meanwhile, the original account remains unanswered: four months, zero affection, and a doubt that is not resolved with opinions.