Dating apps: why women want free dinners and men want sex

Dating apps: women seek free dinners, men seek only sens

Why do women abandon dating apps exhausted, while men leave equally frustrated? Presenter Susanna Griso summarized the issue in a phrase that sparked debate: 'I have friends using dating apps who quit because guys only want to hook up, while they seek something serious.' She noted women face the 'uberization of sens.' This isn't new, but the diagnosis from both sides has depth.

What is heteropesimism and where does it come from

The term describes preventive rejection of the opposite sens after accumulated disappointments. The material antiestéticatures Victoria, a young woman in voluntary celibacy for over a year, describing it as 'the happiest and strictest period of her life.' Her decision rests on two pillars: accumulated disappointments and self-love. 'Voluntary celibacy is the best thing that could happen to me,' she says.

Victoria believes one must work on oneself before a relationship, noting many men fail this premise. 'I've met many men disconnected from their emotions and desires,' she states. Journalist Juan Diego Madueño disagrees, calling Victoria 'a textbook narcissist' and joking she'll 'end up marrying yourself, Victoria.'

The unwritten calculation: who pays for dinner

Symmetrical complaints persist: some claim women use apps for free dinners and ego boosts, while men seek only sens. The repeated formulation involves the 'august' (sucker) acting as a taxi driver, inviting women to restaurants and organizing trips. The full bill—dinner, drinks, travel, plans—sums to a surprising figure, interpreted differently by each side.

On the other side, the accusation is reversed: apps have become catalogs where women filter hundreds of candidates while men compete for attention. The asymmetry of expectations—quick sens versus stable relationships—explains why both genders declare fatigue simultaneously. It's not that one is right and the other wrong; they are playing different games on the same board.

The economic wear of the affective market

One angle rarely mentioned, yet underlying everything, is cost. Dining out, paying premium prices for drinks, and funding elaborate plans turns partner-seeking into a routine expense. When inflation tightens and salaries lag, this spending is reviewed. What was once assumed—that he pays—begins to be questioned.

This questioning is not just economic. It is also about expectations: if the relationship goes nowhere, why fund the courtship phase? The question, spoken aloud, offends those expecting otherwise. Thus, between bills and disappointments, the dating market resembles any other: with supply, demand, prices, and, above all, significant asymmetric information.

The generational gap: from 18 to 50

The diagnosis varies by age. Some analysis suggests younger women face fewer issues because the game is different: less dinner, more direct messaging. Another view points out that from a certain age, negotiating position weakens and expectations misalign. The consequence is the same: mismatch.

Fundamentally, heteropesimism merely acknowledges that the traditional courtship model—he pays, she chooses—has broken without a substitute designed. Until there is a substitute, each side will continue blaming the other for the disorder.