Why you keep attracting toxic people: the debate over social bad luck

Why you only attract bad people: the social magnet theory

Why do I only attract bad people into my life? The question, posted on a conspiracy forum three months ago, has gathered eighty answers and a handful of theories ranging from karma to horoscopes. The author of the original post claims to be "normal, with no disorders or anything," but insists he has "a black hand" that works like a magnet for toxic people. And he adds: "Or else it's that in Spain 95% of you are trash."

The discussion starts with a mix of humor and venting. Someone asks for a divine reward in the form of "a Misato Katsuragi who would make me a potato omelette from Teruel." Another replies with the saying that it's better to be alone than in bad company. But the tone soon changes and serious explanations start to appear: high vibration, karma, the law of attraction, horoscopes.

The magnet theory: you attract what you believe you deserve

One of the most repeated lines of thought holds that we attract what we believe we deserve, not what we actually deserve. It's the thesis defended by the person who claims that "we can master karma." The idea has a psychological version and an esoteric one, and both coexist in the thread without much friction. The esoteric version talks about "high vibration" and how the "foxes" —the opportunists— prey on anyone who seems weak or tries to please everyone.

The psychological version is more uncomfortable: if you always end up surrounded by the same type of person, maybe the problem isn't your environment. "You seem like a pretty toxic person," someone snaps at the author. Another adds that "everyone thinks they're normal and a good person." Self-criticism, in this kind of conversation, usually arrives late and with caveats.

Self-interest as a filter for relationships

There's one analysis that keeps coming up and has more to do with sociology than esotericism: people approach you for what they can get out of you. "You always attract self-interested people, who care about what they can get from you; when they see you have nothing to offer, they stop being interested," one participant summarizes. The same logic applies to friendships and romantic relationships: anyone who comes along looking for a car, a house or trips disappears when the well runs dry.

The diagnosis extends to society as a whole. "Good people do badly and social psychopaths usually do well," says another. And one more voice adds that "if they see you're happy, consider yourself screwed because they'll come after you; happiness is something you have to keep quiet about." Distrust, here, is no longer a strategy: it's a worldview.

Horoscopes as diagnosis: Aquarius, Capricorn and Saturn

The conversation drifts toward astrology when someone asks for the author's date of birth. He doesn't give it, but several participants latch onto the topic. Capricorn is discussed as the energy of someone "with no bad intentions who sees a black hand or something that doesn't match their actions." And an Aquarius with Capricorn rising feels identified: "Someone told me that the Capricorn rising thing was a real curse for me compared to my Aquarius sun, being signs with somewhat opposite characteristics."

The thread lingers on curious details: Capricorn rising as a description of physical appearance —tall, thin, somewhat saturnine—, Saturn's connection with structure and with "boxes," which in the thread's slang means cars and hobbies. One participant confirms he puts his car on the lift so he doesn't have to bend down, and that his peak was in the nineties and early two-thousands. The conversation has gone off on a tangent, but nobody seems in a hurry to get back.

The systemic explanation: a world designed to break bonds

The most ambitious answer comes from the realm of conspiracy: there's a system bent on breaking human relationships, in the family, friendship and couples. "Call it Satan if you want. After all, right now it has absolute freedom to reign for a good few years," writes one participant. The thesis, with no evidence, fits the tone of the subforum and a vague feeling that something has broken in the social fabric.

Another message points in the same direction in more down-to-earth language: "They've erased families from the social structure; the family used to be the safe environment, now it's an insecure toxic atmosphere." Loneliness, individualism and distrust are presented as the result of a plan, not as a side effect of the economy and cities.

The option of cutting ties

Faced with so many theories, there's a practical answer gaining ground: cut ties and move on. "The thing is I honestly couldn't care less. I cut off the relationship and keep going full estimulante ilegal with my individual war," writes someone who says they have the same problem. Indifference as a shield. Another participant recommends "letting them pass, let them go bother others" and not wasting energy on people who only cause distress.

The most repeated conclusion, however, is that people are trash and there's not much to be done. "Most people are empty-headed and very selfish because that's what's been encouraged for years, and that won't change overnight. No stars, no karma, no bad luck, no nothing," one voice concludes. The only advantage of bad experiences, according to another, is that they teach you to identify malice and see it coming.

In the end, the original question remains without a clear answer. The author asked for an explanation and got a menu: karma, vibration, horoscopes, self-interest, a satanic system and self-criticism. The only thing nobody disputes is that bad people exist. As for the rest, everyone picks their own theory.