The real cost of starting a family: divorce and regret

Regret over starting a family: divorce and salaries that don't pay off

Is it worth starting a family today? The answer given by a Spaniard who moved abroad, built a home and now regrets it is a resounding no. "It's the biggest ing shit. A true living death," he sums up. His case is not unique: he claims that almost all his male colleagues are divorced and that work, once a source of stress, has become their only refuge. His thesis is uncomfortable: finding a well-paid job is worthless if life at home becomes hell.

Work as the only refuge and divorce as the norm

This man's story, someone who emigrated and started a family "the way it used to be done," clashes with the idyllic image sold of family life. His conclusion is bitter: he should have stayed in Spain and applied for the ingreso mínimo vital (Spain's minimum income benefit) or taken up petty dealing. The paradox is that work, the thing that once made him perversos, now gives him peace. "No matter how bad it is," he adds.

The warning extends to singles: getting married and having children "can up your life." And he isn't just talking about his own experience. He claims most of his male colleagues are divorced, a point he reinforces with an observation about the workplace. The conversation soon turns to the percentage of breakups: the figure floating around is that between 65% and 70% of people divorce at some point. The question hanging in the air is whether that makes two thirds of Spaniards people with no judgment, or whether the traditional family model has simply stopped working.

"You can't start a family": the riposte of maturity

The reaction is not long in coming. An interlocutor snaps back that he can't start a family and should stop generalizing his failure. He accuses him of not knowing how to run a household, of having children who don't respect him and a vvife who doesn't either, and tells him to grow up and accept that life comes in stages. The message is clear: the fault is not the world's, it belongs to whoever doesn't know how to keep order.

Another participant points to the honeymoon phase, those first years when everything is denied, and predicts that afterwards people drop "like flies." He tells the story of a friend who tried to run over his ex-vvife's new boyfriend because the man had started seeing her while they were still married. There are kids, a restraining order and a trail of consequences. The anecdote, extreme as it is, illustrates how far a breakup can go.

Single-parent families and surrogacy: the money route

Against the lament, a practical alternative emerges: you can build a single-parent family, and if you're a millionaire it's easier, with surrogacy and a hired nanny. The proposal shifts the focus from marital conflict to financial capacity. It's no coincidence: the author of the original message himself mentions the ingreso mínimo vital as plan B, revealing that the discussion is not only emotional, it's also about resources.

The comparison between being single and being married is framed in terms of dependence. A married man can divorce, but a single man doesn't depend only on himself to get married, and the same goes for having children. The reflection points to the idea that starting a family is not an individual decision, but a process that requires another person's willingness and, often, a stability that is not guaranteed.

Divorce as relief and singlehood as refuge

There are those who, knowing the life of a divorced man, are glad to be chronic bachelors. The remark, harsh, sums up a current of opinion that sees singlehood as a form of protection. Others describe men who cry because they want to keep rowing and not going home becoming the new normal. The irony mixes with the diagnosis: the home, which should be a refuge, is perceived as a burden.

The discussion also flirts with distrust of relationships. The advice is to stop looking at certain parts of the body like a doormat and start thinking of them as spiderwebs, a metaphor warning of the risk of getting trapped. The tone is cynical, but it reflects a real antiestéticar of emotional and economic dependence.

The question nobody answers: what happens to make everything so bad?

The original account gives no details. Several messages demand more information: what does the partner do to make living together unbearable? The lack of specifics leaves the door open to interpretation. What is clear is that the misery is not attributed to a one-off event, but to a daily erosion that turns coming home into a threat.

While some ask for details, others settle the matter with a "his ing mother is going to get married," an outburst that reflects the weariness with the topic. Taken as a whole, the conversation paints a picture where the traditional family has ceased to be an exciting project and has become, for many, a source of conflict and regret. The underlying question remains unanswered: is family a bad emotional investment, or is it only so when chosen badly?