Spain's civil servants drift from old friends after securing jobs

Securing a permanent post and losing touch with old friends

A pattern has emerged since 2020: individuals who pass the *oposición* (civil service exam) remain in their city but stop meeting with high school friends. They do not move or change schedules; they simply vanish from one group and reappear in another, typically composed of other public employees. Accounts from those inside and outside this phenomenon suggest it is less about envy than an uncomfortable truth: friendship relies on shared circumstances.

What changes when you get a permanent position

The most common story isn't about relocating to another province, which is understandable, but staying in the same municipality yet drifting apart. This occurs mostly in provincial capitals and autonomous community cities, where public employment dominates and the circle of civil servants becomes a complete social network: colleagues, partners, and children at the same schools.

Those experiencing it describe it without drama. A candidate who endured years of precarious work before passing noted that upon sharing the news, his best friend’s face changed. There was no congratulations, only sadness. This episode, repeated in various forms, points to a known mechanism: someone else’s security mirrors what one failed to achieve.

The other side is the one left behind. Several accounts agree the relationship doesn’t break suddenly; it cools down. Fewer messages, fewer calls, postponed plans. Until one day, there is nothing left to postpone.

The economic calculation: €1,500 vs €4,000

The initial argument presents an uncomfortable comparison: why might a civil servant earning around €1,500 net look down on a self-employed person (*autónomo*) bringing in €4,000 clean? The analysis suggests it isn’t about money, but perceived stability. The freelancer earns more but faces bankruptcy, illness, or client loss. The civil servant earns less but always gets paid.

This difference explains why civil servants compare themselves to each other, not freelancers. When a friend group splits between those with guaranteed paychecks and those without, conversations become awkward. Some argue the divide isn’t economic but linguistic: topics like exams, seniority bonuses (*trienios*), and postings don’t exist for the other side.

The full calculation, including mortgage figures, private school costs, and savings capacity discussed, reveals a gap that surprises those looking only at gross salary.

Mortgages for townhouses and semi-private schools

The message opening the discussion mentions two decisions often accompanying the job: taking a 35-year mortgage for a townhouse without a pool or large plot, and enrolling children in a *colegio concertado* (semi-private school) even if far away. These are observations, not statistics, but they fit a logic: predictable income allows banks to lend more, making life projects conservative.

The debate focuses less on the house and more on its symbolism. Many note civil servants feel superior due to security, not salary. In a country where private jobs are easily destroyed, this security translates into a different worldview: less anxiety, more planning.

Friendship as unequal exchange

One frequent explanation cites imbalance rather than envy. A sudden status jump disrupts equilibrium. The lower earner tires of refusing expensive plans; the higher earner tires of proposing them. Relationships hold while no one needs to justify their lifestyle.

Some add a generational factor: late candidates, studying past thirty and passing near forty, arrive with prior weariness, making them sensitive to privilege comments. Others argue the issue isn’t the civil servant, but the group unable to accept one member escaping hardship.

The conversation also touches emigrants. Stories describe friends maintaining contact while job hunting, then disappearing once saving over €3,000 monthly. Geographic distance doesn’t explain everything; social distance does.

Those who keep their friends

Not everyone fits the pattern. Some civil servants maintain identical friendships, noting only logistical differences: aging parents, young children, less time. Meeting twice yearly suffices. The idea that the job transforms people doesn’t hold in their experience.

Others clarify the shift is in circle expansion, not replacement. Work, hobbies, and partners add people, leaving childhood connections aside. This happens to anyone changing life stages, with or without a government post.

Analysis stalls here: we cannot know if the job changes the person or merely reveals the group’s true nature.