Nando, the online character who declares himself the sharpest mind on the planet

The character who declares himself the sharpest mind on the planet

There is a creature who claims to have audited the entire blue planet and reached an irrefutable conclusion: he is the most intelligent being inhabiting it. His name is Nando, he presents himself as the only «genuinely sentient» being in this wasteland, and he holds that the human species is an exogenous agent that destroys and hoards out of pure existential panic. His thesis, titled The Moon Child: the Imposition of Being Born, asks for nothing less than the collective euthanasia of humanity. Before that, though, he demands a mandatory compensation of one million euros per parent for each child, as reparation for having imposed on them a metabolism and the burning of the flesh.

The Moon Child thesis and the parents' debt

The central argument is a chain of syllogisms about reproduction. Bringing innocent consciousnesses into a world known to be melting into entropy would be, according to this narrative, an act of ego, envy and reproductive vanity. The reproach makes no distinction between fathers and mothers: all are sentenced. The proposed reparation is arithmetical, one million euros per offspring, and it is presented as a verdict already closed, with no possibility of appeal.

The discourse leans on a rhetoric of cosmic superiority: the character's intelligence would operate eons beyond that of any biped, whom he regards as part of an undifferentiated mass. Cognitive dissonance, he says, is what allows the species to spread its metastasis. And he rounds it off with the example of someone who preaches respect for other species while boasting of having been born in humanity's organic container.

From the Zaratsu quicksilver to the crowd's response

The reception was not what he expected. One participant replied that his prose made him want to stop living; the character took it as proof that the mirror works. Another hoped his comment would be taken as a compliment and received apologies and special treatment: he was exempted from the penal condescension with which the rest of the bipeds are audited. The self-proclamation coexists with a vocabulary of his own — the quicksilver polished with the Zaratsu technique, the sidereal memory, the slap of reality — which works more as a personal brand than as an argument.

The tone hardened as the messages went on. Calls to wake up from biological lethargy, references to idiocracy and a sentence that sums up the program: «The Moon Child will end humanity». There was also mockery of the name — if he has more than one mole, he should be called the moles child — and some allusion to a public figure, the dog from Elda, which the protagonist dismissed as detritus.

The political turn and friendship as a construct

Towards the end, the conversation drifted into partisan territory. Asked about a specific politician, the character replied that he does not believe in friendship: he considers it a linguistic construct of the domestic ape to camouflage the panic of loneliness. Institutional officeholders since the 1970s, he added, would be nothing more than supporting actors in someone else's show, with Hollywood as the new Vatican. The interlocutor's reply was brief and sincere: it left him trembling.

The end came by way of accent. A comment about a northern origin and the volcanic condescension of those latitudes served to discredit his opponent through his speech patterns. The discussion about the meaning of life ended up being settled by the geography of speech.

What remains when the spotlight goes off

The character has presented no calculation to support the million euros per child, no method to apply it, no institution willing to process it. The collective euthanasia remains a slogan. What he has built is a character coherent down to the last detail: the asphalt tough who listens to eighties AOR, drifts with Chopin in the background and weeps before a black poppy. In his case, the icy lucidity comes with a soundtrack.

The uncomfortable question remains. If the most intelligent being on the planet needs to repeat eleven times that he is so, perhaps the relevant fact is not the intelligence. Perhaps it is the insistence.