A €500 diesel Mercedes road trip: the hearse-like car splitting a forum

A six-cylinder diesel and €500 in fuel to cross Europe

How much does it cost to feel like king of the world? According to the post that opens this discussion, about 500 euros in fuel and tolls. That is the figure put forward to justify a alucinación in a six-cylinder inline Mercedes diesel estate —Dutch plates, hearse-like looks to half the participants— between Paris and Amsterdam. The author of the opening message does not present the journey as a logistical antiestéticat, but as a display of superiority: «My box has more world than most of the failures in this den».

The provocation works. And it works badly. Because the thread splits in two from the very first minute: those who argue about the car and those who argue about the person driving it.

The car: six cylinders, a bad turning radius and funeral-home aesthetics

The object of the dispute is a Mercedes estate with an inline six-cylinder diesel engine. The author himself clears up the technical confusion that arises in the conversation: it is not a V6, that block belongs to another of his vehicles, an ML with an OM642 engine. The estate has the inline six. He says this with irritation, because someone described it wrong and he considers it unforgivable.

The aesthetic description from everyone else is devastating and fairly unanimous. «What an ugly, outdated thing», sums up one. «A mix of a funeral car and a priest's car roaring hard», adds another. The hearse comparison is repeated until it becomes the comic axis of the discussion: one says it is the first time he has seen the corpse driving, and another jokes that it is the only vehicle a tight budget can afford.

The author does not deny it. On the contrary: he brags about having gone to see and test a burgundy Daimler, the car he describes as his «unicorn», and confesses that the emotion was such that he had to walk away before closing the purchase. He did not buy it because the condition was not as expected, but he points out that the turning radius is bad and that, apart from that, the car is «sublime in every respect». He talks about a previous owner as nerdy as himself, about details discussed for quite a while. It is the part of the story where the enthusiasm sounds genuine and not faked.

The row: from the car to the driver's résumé

The problem comes when the object stops mattering and the judgment of the person begins. The most repeated accusation is not that the car is ugly, but that it does not match the character driving it. «Seeing the level of arrogance on display I expected a 700-horsepower AMG, twin-turbo V8, 12.8 l/100 km», writes one. The contrast between the grandiose narrative and the reality of the vehicle is the joke that sustains half the discussion.

The other front is the driving licence. The author is reproached for bragging about the car without proving he drives it, and the answer is a direct accusation: «Get your licence and find yourself a job». The conversation then enters territory that has nothing to do with motoring: they discuss whether the author has a job, whether he travels for himself or an employer, whether his life is as comfortable as he claims. And the author responds by raising the tone: he talks about «squabbles among little boys», about rounds of drinks if they meet in person, about people who do not belong to his circle.

There is a moment when the matter becomes explicitly hostile. References to the author's private life, to his companions and to alleged encounters trinc one another without any restraint. They contribute nothing to the analysis of the car or the alucinación, and the author himself ends up asking that third parties no longer be mentioned. The discussion becomes a settling of scores between people who know each other from other threads and carry old grudges.

The actual alucinación: fuel, tolls and a fine in Zaandam

Beneath the noise there are concrete figures. The cost of the alucinación in fuel and tolls is around 500 euros. To that is added a parking fine in Zaandam, the amount of which the author undertakes to detail with a photo later. He also mentions that he will take the vehicle inspection (ITV, Spain's roadworthiness test) and will upload the paperwork when he picks up the car.

The itinerary is not what the epic tone suggests either. The author admits he came to the Netherlands with his sister and never got to see the Zandvoort circuit: they went to the beach. And he admits that in Amsterdam and The Hague he has parked and driven as he pleased on several occasions without consequences. «I've been lucky within the bad», he writes. The confession dismantles much of the epic of the European alucinación: what is presented as a antiestéticat is a journey with administrative luck.

The comparison made by another participant helps gauge the real scale of the matter. An acquaintance of his went as far as Krasnoyarsk in an Isuzu Trooper. He himself travelled to Turin in a Fiat Punto. Against those distances, Paris-Amsterdam in a diesel estate is, in his words, «a stroll». The bar set to deserve respect is reaching Tashkent, Bishkek or Dakar.

The context that does matter: why you cross into Germany to refuel

Amid the insults useful information appears. One participant explains that he crosses into Belgium or Germany every two months for his children's judo competitions and takes the chance to fill the tank, calculating to arrive on reserve. About tobacco he clarifies that you don't need to go that far: red Marlboro costs 90 euros at his usual market. And for alcohol he recommends the loyalty card of a Dutch retail chain, with weekly offers for the general public and special discounts for members who accumulate points, capped at 25% by law.

It is the only stretch of the conversation where cross-border travel is treated as what it is: an economic practice with different tax rules in each country. Against the display of kilometres, here there is a logic of measurable savings. Buying where the tax is lower, filling the tank to the brim and making the most of the alucinación you had to make anyway. No epic, all calculation.

Behind the scenes: grudges from somewhere else

Much of the aggression does not stem from this alucinación. Several messages refer to earlier arguments, to earlier identities on other platforms and to accounts that monitor each other. They talk about old nicknames, parallel forums and participants trinc one another. One of the harshest messages reproaches the author for his alleged activity in another section, with «infodumps» and theories that, according to him, interest no one.

The author responds in kind: he accuses others of trinc him all over the forum, mentions «little friends» and maintains that he keeps posting because those who harass him do not have as much power as they pretend. It is the logic of the permanent settling of scores, where the car is just the most recent pretext. The question in the title —does it piss you off?— already had its answer before it was asked.

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In the end, the balance is the usual one: a car that to its owner seems the definitive machine, a majority that sees a hearse with foreign plates, and a discussion that never manages to agree on what was being discussed. The alucinación cost 500 euros. The prestige, considerably less.