The problem, you see, is this: Helmets and human skulls, being physical objects, have physical properties. Helmet engineers are not willing to expose riders to potential traumatic brain injury (or themselves to liability) based on standards that vary with your haircut that particular day. And the laws of physics are not particularly inclined to negotiate with the desires of humankind on the grounds of “equity.”
I, however, am. I can recognize injustice when I see it and realize that a solution must be found. Therefore, I propose to resolve this problem the simplest way possible: In order to ensure nobody feels excluded from the sport of equestrianism because of his or her hairstyle, the equitable solution is to
euthanize all the horses.
I’m a “bottom line” sort of guy, and this proposal would solve a number of problems at once: glue shortages, FDA school-lunch protein requirements, and racial exclusion from dressage. As for the horses? Well, I’m not a bigot who would propose that humans adapt to the physical realities of the sport they’ve chosen rather than the other way around. Sorry, Secretariat, here’s your two weeks’ severance. Man O War? Remove your epaulettes and proceed to the brig. Trigger? Time to shuffle behind the barn and get acquainted with the business end of one.
And once we’re done leveling the equine playing field, we should turn to draining the world’s swimming pools: The horror stories I could tell you about what big hair will do to your competitive race times as you battle the dense bigotry of water drag would spawn an entire new generation of activists.
I don’t make these rules. But I am prepared to enforce them, if asked to.
Here’s the simplest solution to racial inequity in dressage.
www.nationalreview.com