Viral Advice on Spanish Military Service Sparks Debate

Viral Advice on Spanish Military Service Sparks Debate

A veteran forum user addresses young people he believes will be sent as privates to die for Ukraine. His prescription: wake up before the bugle call, clean weapons, keep the sergeant's office spotless, and give 200% in every exercise. Written with the solemnity of an instruction manual, the text has triggered collective laughter in the Economy subforum, where most replies do not dispute the tactics but question whether the author ever set foot in a barracks.

The first sustancia ilegal is obvious. The advice mentions the sergeant's office, a space that, according to several veterans, did not exist in the military service they experienced. "The thread creator talks about sergeants having offices. You have never done your military service," one message summarizes. From there, the manual collapses under the weight of details that sound like movies rather than barracks life.

From the Sergeant's Office to Full Metal Jacket

The author proposes keeping records of times in physical tests, shooting accuracy, and maneuver efficiency, presenting reports to the sergeant with ideas to improve the platoon. The most repeated response is that this is not military service: it is Full Metal Jacket. "It's not like Full Metal Jacket; it looks more like Apocalypse Now," corrects a veteran who claims to have been in Bosnia in 1994 off the coast of Dubrovnik with NATO.

The real experience described in the thread is different. Night marches of 20 kilometers, pulled from bed at two in the morning. Dragging an 81-millimeter mortar for 15 kilometers and sleeping under a pine tree in the rain. Maneuvers at minus 10 degrees or 40 degrees eating dust. "Doing sports is one thing; crawling through thorns and mud in the field is another," one message concludes. The training period, he adds, is what everyone forgets due to selective memory.

The Climber, the Snitch, and Nocturnal Foam

Where the author's manual completely sinks is in its appeal to stand out before command. The culture of military service described in the thread punished precisely that. "Climbers and snitches were beaten and had foam poured on them at night without mercy," says a veteran, recalling someone who had aguardiente thrown on him while he slept. The advice to wake up early and make noise before the bugle call clashes with the Royal Ordinances and the barracks non-commissioned officer, who, according to the same account, slept in the bay and could impose 30 days of arrest.

The best advice, according to another message, is the opposite: "Stay as unnoticed as possible." Even appearing clumsy so you aren't assigned certain tasks. The logic is simple: those who stand out end up with the dirty work. And the dirty work, in the thread's imagination, includes unloading howitzer trucks while the sergeant watches, clearing minefields at six in the morning, or unloading military material in front of command to earn points.

Who Goes to the Front and Who Stays Behind?

The thread shifts toward a more uncomfortable discussion: the distribution of bloodshed. One message asks if people with hard sciences backgrounds—mathematics, engineering, medicine, biology—should die as privates on the front line. The most elaborated answer says no: "If there is forced conscription, they go first, but to rear positions." The same message recalls that professional troop veterans would be promoted with real experience and that nobody sends waves against machine-gun nests with bolt-action rifles.

Against this, the classic objection: "Wars are organized by people who know and hate each other, where people who neither know nor hate each other die." And the most cynical variant: whoever has nothing to gain should not go. Another message directly announces sabotage: "I would go full throttle to mess up all the equipment I could."

Lieutenants Last Less Than Candy

The conversation also delves into professional details. A veteran recalls that Mauser rifles were used by sharpshooters because they were better for aiming than CETME C models, which had seen more action than Cascorro. Another describes his CETME, which fired three bullets per trigger pull in semi-auto mode, while his sergeant joked instead of fixing it.

Regarding promotion, the warning is double. In peacetime, commanders live well. In war, "a lieutenant lasts less than candy at a school gate." The officer must instill combat ardor in a platoon that, according to the same message, cannot help thinking about how to kill him.

The veteran forum user's manual, finally, describes an army that does not exist. Or one that existed only in the writer's head. The real discussion, the one that matters, is another: who goes, who stays, and who decides. And there, nobody has an answer that doesn't sound like an excuse.