Single people have 68% more cancer than married ones, study that splits the forum finds

Single people, 68% more cancer: the figure that reignites the civil war

A 68% higher cancer incidence among those who have never walked down the aisle. That headline was enough to spark one of the bitterest debates of recent months on an Economics subforum: married versus single people, with statistics as their weapon of choice. The story, published by El Confidencial, claims that adults living alone are also Spain's biggest consumers of sweets, and that many candy shops have seen sales soar thanks to nostalgic older buyers. With that cocktail — cancer, loneliness and sugar — it didn't take long for people to grab their torches.

The first thing that stands out is that hardly anyone believes the study. The most repeated accusation is the usual one: correlation is not causation, and a journalist who turns one into the other to chase clicks deserves the same credibility as a horoscope. Some go further and argue the sample is poorly constructed: married people cluster in middle age, with lower cancer incidence, while most of the unmarried are older divorcees. Comparing those two groups, the argument goes, is statistics 101.

The dog and the mistress trick

Among marriage's defenders, the star argument isn't love but logistics: a partner imposes routines, schedules and a less chaotic diet. The single person, by contrast, slides into the wild life, alcohol and ready-made lasagnas. The thesis gets funny when you flip it: if married people live longer, maybe it's because they have a dog, and the dog forces them to go for walks. Or because a partner drags the husband into eating vegetables. Any explanation will do except the obvious one, which is that getting married cures nothing.

The other side of the coin comes from those who recall the financial cost of divorce. Here the debate leaves oncology and enters the courtroom: mortgage on the shared home, a new apartment, alimony and mental health in tatters. Some would rather risk cancer than face the certainty of losing their assets, and they say it without blinking. Chemo exists; so do ruin and madness.

Getting married to look serious in business

The most curious twist comes when the conversation drifts into the business world. A ring on your finger, the argument goes, opens doors: it conveys stability, seriousness and an orderly life. The chronic bachelor, meanwhile, carries the suspicion of being unstable. The comeback is immediate: anyone who needs a ring to be taken seriously can't stand on their own. And then the anecdote: more than one suggests buying a fake ring at the corner shop to attract more women, because, so the myth goes, women want what someone else already has.

The closing comes from the most unsettling figure: Carthusian monks, celibate and partnerless, live to nearly one hundred. Should we tell the statistician?