How to Spot a Brother-in-Law: From 'We're Family' to 'Just Go With It'

The Brother-in-Law Detector: Phrases That Betray a Fool

"In this company, we are not just colleagues: we are a big family." Just hearing that in an interview tells you how the movie ends. With that introduction, a collaborative collection of cliché phrases begins, which has already accumulated more than a hundred submissions. It is accompanied by two other phrases with the same initial message: life is a gift to be grateful for every day, and a derogatory generalization about women presented as the fruit of experience. The premise of the exercise: the fool is detected by how he speaks, not by what he defends.

"I am such a good person" and other passwords

The most populated category is that of those who presume virtue. "I am so sincere." "I am such a good person." "I have an intuition that reads people at first glance." An uncomfortable observation repeats itself: the more someone insists on their goodness, the worse they tend to behave. Those who claim this speak of hypocritical and toxic people who filled their mouths proclaiming how good a person they were. The phrase acts as a password: only those who have something to prove need it.

Around this, a bouquet of labels: "I am a fur mom," "I joined the gym when I left with Laura," "don't worry, go with the flow," "be yourself," "get out of your comfort zone," "add value," "papi," "mami," "bro," "oh yes, total." And the phrase that sneaks into any conversation out of nowhere: "what matters is the fact, not the nationality."

Language as a thermometer: Anglicisms and whisky with a diaeresis

"Red flag" is, as pointed out, a red flag in itself. In Spanish, there does not seem to be an exact equivalent: "red flag" sounds like a construction warning and not a personality diagnosis. The choice of this Anglo-Saxon formula opens an orthographic front: those who write it in parentheses clarify that they do not assume the anglicism and take the opportunity to recall that the RAE records "güisqui", with a diaeresis, for what many write as "whisky". The underlying reproach is about coherence: demanding lexical purity while writing "whisky" without a diaeresis is unsustainable.

In the same list fall "bucks" translated as "pavos" to talk about money, and "eventually" used with its English meaning, which in Spanish is "occasionally" or "from time to time", never "finally".

The repertoire of political narrative

Here, the list takes a leap in quality. "Today is voting day: it's the festival of democracy." "Constitutional patriotism." "Regime of freedoms." "We emerge stronger." "We must make an effort." "I wasn't going to vote, but if the far-right comes out...". The latter, as pointed out, functions as a recurrent alibi among voters with guaranteed fixed incomes.

Trinc "all politicians are the same," which appears just when the scandal splashes a specific party; "one must not generalize," used as a selective shield; "I am not from the PSOE, but...", a variant of the previous one; and "they stole our gold," which now plays in another league. There is also a block that the collection itself dismisses without beating around the bush: formulations that present immigration as an invasion or anticipate a population replacement. None is accompanied by a single piece of data supporting it.

JuanCarlos supporters and monarchists by self-defense

The most argumentative section arrives with the monarchy. Some define themselves not as monarchists, but as JuanCarlos supporters. And some construct the reasoning that appears most often: being a monarchist in 2024 does not prove one is bright, but the alternative in Spain would have been a head of state from the list of González, Aznar, Zapatero, Rajoy, or, today, Sánchez. Hence the phrase "monarchist by self-defense". A third way declares itself monarchist but not Bourbon, or at least not this branch that, according to supporters, has been sinking the country since 1833.

"He doesn't bite, he just wants to play"

Animals occupy their own drawer. "Pigeons are the rats of heaven." "I am a fur mom." "He doesn't bite, he just wants to play." And a very debated zoological digression: that cats choose their people and tend to favor men; a woman can care for a cat for years and see the animal fall in love with the boyfriend who just appeared. With dogs, something similar happens, although they maintain loyalty to the owner.

The only consensus: we have all said some of them

The collection closes with a conclusion that disarms any sarracena superiority. If all the phrases were gathered, "99.9% of Spaniards have said some of them at some point," summarizes one of the participants, and the only exception would be a deceased philologist, guardian of the language. Translated: the fool detector also points at whoever wields it. The list serves to laugh at the neighbor and, in passing, to review one's own history.

It will continue to grow as long as there is someone willing to say "go with the flow" and someone willing to note it. Most likely, the next phrase added will be one we have all said.