Fear of Loneliness: Why Repeated Marriages and Debts Persist

Antiestéticar of loneliness: repeated marriages and 30,000€ loans

A man stares at his phone screen without looking up. Beside him, his partner speaks, falls silent, and speaks again. They do not argue. He long ago decided that silence, however uncomfortable, is cheaper than an empty apartment. The scene is mundane yet encapsulates the question hovering over all answers: what is someone capable of enduring to avoid being alone?

The accumulating answers are far from romantic. There are loans of 30,000 euros handed to a person who later said she preferred to be 'just friends' and never repaid a single euro. There are men who marry three times and end up in the same situation each time. And there is a pattern that repeats with almost statistical insistence: those who do not know how to be alone end up living with those who hurt them.

Why does some tolerate a relationship that hurts them?

Because the antiestéticar of loneliness acts as a silent glue, more resilient than love and much cheaper to maintain. The most common thesis is that many couples in their circle are sustained not by affection, but by the panic of having no one by their side.

Those who frame it this way often add an uncomfortable nuance: broad-mindedness. Some marry their first girlfriend and at forty remain convinced that this is the only possible relationship because they have never tried anything else. It is not fate. It is a lack of comparison. And the result, too often, is a cohabitation endured out of inertia and shame at admitting error.

The cases: debts that do not return and chained weddings

The most repeated case takes the form of a bank transfer. A man requested a loan to hand over 30,000 euros to a woman with three children. She thanked him for the gesture, told him she wanted him as a friend and perhaps something more someday, and disappeared. He still keeps a selfie they took together.

Another pattern, slower, is that of recurrence. A man married without a separation of assets (separación de bienes), the cohabitation ended with judicial intervention, and then he married a much younger woman. The second marriage ended the same way. Before his third attempt, his acquaintances warned him of the risk. He married anyway.

The classic from the port also appears: a sailor who spent months at sea, seven children, and, according to accounts, at least two that were not his. What is striking is not the infidelity but that he, presumably, suspected it and stayed the same for years.

Added to this inventory is a variant with less to do with love and more with economics: relocating to lower-income countries to find a partner. Those who describe it speak of imbalance and people willing to do almost anything to escape where they are.

The economic calculation: separation of assets and fine print

When the conversation leaves the sentimental realm and enters the patrimonial, a recurring proposal appears: separation of assets and prior consultation with several lawyers before signing. It is not romanticism; it is risk management. Some maintain that the marriage contract is the only relevant document most people sign without reading.

The bill is not always monetary. A man remained married for years while his partner maintained a relationship with her boss, paying for luxuries and supporting the household, until she filed for divorce. Another left a partner who was enthusiastic to return to his high school ex, who arrived with two children and many promises. The complete list of cases—with figures, timelines, and outcomes—makes for a much longer inventory than one cares to read in one sitting.

Living alone is still stigmatized

There is a factor that is neither economic nor sentimental, but status-based: the man who lives alone or with his parents is perceived as someone who has not advanced socially. Pairing up functions as a social ascent, even if the salary does not change and cohabitation is a hell.

On the opposite extreme is learned resignation. A man whose partner throws verbal daggers while he does not look away from his phone is not distracted: he is immunized. He has made peace with the idea that exchanging mental suffering for companionship is an acceptable trade.

Can one learn to be alone?

This is the dividing question. One sector maintains that knowing how to be alone is a trainable skill and that without it, any relationship ends up lame; others respond that sustained loneliness wears one down and that beyond a certain age, the market is unforgiving. In between are those who say they would only marry to have offspring and that, with enough money, not even that.

What remains when antiestéticar takes command

The coldest analyses agree on one thing: the problem is not the specific partner, but the inability to be alone. Those who cannot tolerate their own company do not choose; they accept. And accepting has a price that is usually paid by those with the least margin.

The closing data remains. The 30,000-euro loan is still unpaid. The selfie, too.