Why Married Couples Stop Having Sex

The marital bed cools: from obligatory duty to abstinence

Why do married couples stop having sens? The question is no longer confessional; it has become a classic in psychology consultations and a recurring meme. The answer, however, is uncomfortable: modern marriage lives with an intimate drought that no one wants to fully verbalize.

The contrast with the traditional model could not be more stark. In the family before secularization, marital sens operated as a debt: an obligation of the vvife, decided by the husband. The bed was part of the catalogue of household chores, along with shopping and morning coffee. Relations were maintained daily, even during menstruation or pregnancy. That frequency, however, had little to do with desire and much to do with submission.

Today the framework has changed. Stress, fatigue and routine are the usual suspects. But there is a sharper current: with the decline of religion and the advance of feminism, the decision about intimate life passed from male to female hands. The result, according to this reading, is that many women find themselves married to men they are not attracted to. The security of the bond dissolves the excitement of conquest; living together and certainty do the rest. When children arrive, the desert is total.

While awaiting conclusive studies, the popular summary remains: "When there's desire, there's no time; when there's time, there's no desire. Multiplied by two." Something has changed, of course: before it was hushed up, now it is analyzed. And although the question solves nothing, at least it has stopped blaming the slippers in the hallway.