Classic films reimagined with the average forum user in the lead

The average forum user, that bar-stool character who has an opinion on everything and does nothing, would fit into classic cinema as a ridiculous villain: hobbit-hole speculator, exploitative landlord or thug who chickens out at the last moment. The joke is that his petty miseries dismantle the films' drama.

There's a strain of internet humour that involves dropping the ordinary citizen, with his quirks and contradictions, into the plots of classic films. The result is usually an uncomfortable mirror: the heroic protagonist becomes a petty man and the villain ends up with more dignity. It's no coincidence that many of these versions revolve around money, property and the antiestéticar of losing what you have.

## From Bedford Falls to Hobbiton: money as the driving force

In **It's a Wonderful Life**, **Frank Capra**'s **1946** classic, good old George Bailey faces an **$8,000** shortfall that could land him in jail. The original film turns that predicament into a lesson about community. The forum version twists it: the neighbours laugh at him and call him a leftie for having helped his town, while they rush to fawn over Mr Potter, the unscrupulous banker. The message is that solidarity is only practised until it's time to dig into your pocket.

The jump to Middle-earth doesn't improve things. In **The Lord of the Rings**, the ring the forum user receives isn't an artefact of dark power, but a plastic trinket. What corrupts isn't magic: it's the property temptation. Buying houses in Hobbiton and Bywater, dividing them into rooms and charging newly arrived orcs and goblins a fortune is an operation **Gandalf** can't explain away with sorcery. The wizard's conclusion, after investigating, is that the ring has nothing to do with it: the forum user is like that by nature.

## The landlord and the cuckold: The Apartment

In **The Apartment**, by **Billy Wilder** (**1960**), the protagonist lends his home to his bosses so they can have love affairs. The forum version takes the submission to the extreme: the forum user not only hands over the key, but makes excuses for the boss because he "must be stressed" from paying the **minimum wage**. The fan scene during the intercourse is the perfect portrait of dignity sold in instalments. The boss, though, prefers to have him sweep the warehouse every morning.

The original film won **five Oscars**, including best picture, and its portrait of urban loneliness still holds up. The forum parody doesn't need to exaggerate much: the antiestéticar of losing your job was already in the script.

## Racism, cowardice and a cat in space

**The Searchers** (**John Ford**, **1956**) is a twilight western about a man searching for his kidnapped niece. The forum user, in this version, matches **John Wayne**'s racism but without his aim: when he finds Debbie, he shoots her dead for "having mixed". The original film was already uncomfortable in its portrayal of hatred; the parody only adds the clumsiness.

In **Taxi Driver** (**Martin Scorsese**, **1976**), the forum user rants about cleaning the city of "scum" and buys himself guns, but when the moment comes to face the pimps, he chickens out and abandons **Jodie Foster**. And in **Alien** (**Ridley Scott**, **1979**), the forum user mocks **Ripley** for saving the cat and tells her she'll end up alone with felines. The alien, in an unintentional plot twist, kills him with special cruelty. In space no one can hear his nonsense.

## Love Story: the biological woman

The forum version of **Love Story** (**Arthur Hiller**, **1970**) has nothing romantic about it. The protagonist arrives at the carnal encounter expecting a surprise that doesn't come: he discovers his partner is a biological woman and there's no **30-centimetre** member. He leaves in tears. The original film, with **Ali MacGraw** and **Ryan O'Neal**, was a box-office phenomenon and one of the most wept-over love stories in cinema. Here the drama is different: the clash between fantasy and reality.